Sunday, February 28, 2010

Life.

I has been some time since October 1st, 2009. A lot has happened in the past five months, I am now twenty four years old and no closer to the many goals I had set out for myself. The reason being, well, me.
It was brought to my attention that I have been creating blocks for myself. I have been turning mounds into mountains and fooling myself into thinking that these blocks were actually fundemental tools that I needed to improve myself and my craft. The reason being that I desire so deeply to be the best I can be in my chosen profession and not just for me but for the potential power and direct delivery of truth and its ability to inspire, to medicate, to enlighten and encourage others to live for themseleves and for others to remember, or for some, to discover that you don't have to comfortable being nobody. We are all incredible creatures and have the potential within us to achieve bigger and better things. To better the world around us. That is why I act that is why I live. Now becase of a great friend I have a new found opportunity to put myself out there and create a name for myself in order to attain a life that promotes and provides me with the time and space to pursue my craft.

In the past few months through my reading and study of the art of acting, I began to develop a much deeper understanding and respect for theatre. As that understanding grew, so too did a desire to immerse myself in the world of the theatre and I couldn't think of a better place to do that than New York. I in turn set out to uproot myself from Los Angeles and make a life for myself there. I then began to want to have the New York experience under my belt as an an actor which blinded me. I began to develop a idea of superiority for the art of theatre. I started drifting from my respect for film and also from the reason I moved out to California in the first place. That goal was to achieve success as an actor with an unshakable will and passion. To devote my time day in and day out to this goal. But in a matter of months I put it aside in order to start saving the money I would need to float in New York before I could find a job and place and settle in. I stopped auditioning, and I stopped reading, I stopped pursuing. I had lost my way.

Lost my way, that was, until last week. My incredible friend Sherri Bradford came into town and sought me out. She is the one who pushed me to begin acting in the first place. She awakened my desire to portray, to mimic, to create and to learn. It is she that has always believed in what I could achieve. It was out of the blue that she returned into my life. She contacted me and we then met for lunch and she introduced me to a friend of hers a friend who happens to be an agent for a successful agency here in Los Angeles. Because of her tenacious belief in me, I am now represented across the board by a great agency. I can now audition for Televison and Film as well as Commercials. She also talked to me a woke me up to the overbearing judgment I have for myself and my craft. She made me see that I was dwelling to much on things from the past. Trying too hard too better myself, all the while moving further away from the ability I so desire to embrace. She reminded me of the power of Film and my belief in its necessity and how it fit into what I want for myself and for the future, for the world. I am going to take this amazing opportunity and apply the same drive that I had when I moved to this beautiful state.
Life is funny. My desire to avoid celebrity and the superficial Hollywood ideals has become an uncompromising beast that has fed my lack of aggression and the pursuit of success. I have wanted to change the industry from without, but change must come from within. I must take opportunity by the reigns and gallop towards victory.
Men are haunted by the vastness of eternity. We wonder, will or actions echo through the ages or be cast by the wayside. I now see what lies out there in the stars, Immortality. I can't wait for it to come to me, I must take, It is mine!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Wednesday, The Gym and The Birthday

I awoke on the living room floor. I had passed out the night before watching TV shows online. I got up and took Supernatural, season 2, disc 1, out of the DVD player. I had also watched it the night before, doing some research and getting some inspiration for the character I am developing. I walked into the bathroom and took a shower. Then headed for the gym.
I got there just before 10:00 am. I worked out and tried to differentiate my workout today from yesterdays. I left at around 11:30, but not before going to talk to the gym membership guy about signing up. Which isn't going to happen for a while. I left the gym and headed back home.
I took off the sweaty portion of my outfit. Then I walked into the dining room and got online. I realized, that Amber was asleep. So I began to write a birthday card for her. It wasn't anything fancy, regular notebook paper and a pen. I typed it out first and then began to scribe. She woke up and came into the dining room dressed and ready to go. I began writing faster and tried to stall, so that I could give it to her before she left. I finished just before she left and handed it to her. I'm still not sure if she has read it yet. It was heartfelt and honest.
After she left. I surfed the net for a little while longer, checking out videos on different approaches to character development. Then I got back in the shower and headed to work.
Work was easy as pie today. A slow day. There was one perk to tonight's shift. There was a speed dating event going on at the restaurant. Though the women were older (Which I like) it was actually a very sad display of human loneliness. These people were quite dejected and anti social with the opposite sex. It was like jr. high all over again. I left before it concluded. Came home and began breaking down and packing my room. Tomorrow is the big moving day. Not sure how much or even how I am going to move my stuff to Hollywood without a car. Maybe I can enlist the help of Carleton. We will see. For now its Laundry time. Wonder when the Birthday Girl is going to come back home. It's almost 4 am. Night all!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tuesday, Uneventful Tuesday

Today was a very relaxing, sleep filled, lackluster day. I woke up and got online to submit for more roles. Turns out, I had another audition. Things are going so well now. Tons of things to submit for, not to mention submitting on Craigslist. My day was basically spent online.
At about 4:10pm I decided to take a shower and head to the gym. My friend Ashley, weeks prior, gave me a 7 day pass to Bally's fitness. I had been putting it off so that I could use it in Hollywood, but since I won't really be moved in until the weekend. I made the choice to use it today. Sat through a little walk through of the facility and a pitch about membership. I then got to spend the next two hours doing what I love. Improving. I did mostly free weights and pulls ups. Then I went up stairs and did some cardio, by way of the punching/kicking bag in their cardio room. Then back down for more weights and back up for Kicking and elbow strikes. Then down for weights and finally back up for abs and more kicking.
Then I headed home and watched the latest episode of Glee. It's a tremendously original and amazingly poignant. I am going to get back to researching for my current roles. As well as watch some Supernatural for inspiration. Goodnight all.

Monday, Glorious Monday

Today I awoke at Carleton's. No dream. I got up because I kinda slept through my alarm. I headed out to the train and made my way to work. The weather seems to finally be cooling down. It was so nice to feel the fall air.
Work was actually rather good. It was busy especially for a Monday. There was a brown-out for at least ten minutes. So some guests walked out, then the sirens came on as they do. A good deal of the people, thankfully stayed. Then the rush came and lasted for a good hour. 126 covers is pretty damn good for a solo, Monday shift. Tips will hopefully reflect that. I worked until 2pm. Then it was off to the bank. Today's task was a joyous one.
I arrived at the bank and got in line. Now whenever I enter the bank I am going to take that opportunity to be a Douche bag. It's the only opportunity I really get. They don't give a care about me, I'm not going to show them courtesy the don't deserve. As I stood waiting in line, guess who walks up? Jose, the liar Douche bag creator extraordinaire! He then had the gall to ask me "How are you doing?" I was initially floored by his audacity, but promptly responded "Super." in the ugliest and most hateful condescending tone. To which he immediately realized my attitude towards him. He broke eye contact and shut his ugly mouth. I then walked up to the teller and stated that I needed to empty my savings. She was also a bitch because she saw me being a bitch to Jose. I got my money and walked out, no words. It felt good! I walked to the train feeling all kinds of false power. As I went down the escalator these to women were walking seemingly towards the other escalator, but decided to stop right in front of the descending escalator. I without hesitation exclaimed "That's a good place to stop, you fat fucking bitches!"
It just came out of me without restraint. I realized that I was still upset and feeling Douchey from the bank. I quickly snapped out of it. Though I must admit that, sadly, it felt good.
I headed to Hollywood and Vine. From there I got off the train and headed to the location of my new apartment. I waited there and met with the manager, who told me that the carpets in our unit needed to be replaced, so we won't be able to move in until the 1st of October. Which wasn't horrible news, I just would have preferred to start the moving process Tuesday rather than Thursday. Alex and Christine showed up and we checked out the unit. Then we came back down stairs and signed the lease and payed the deposit and the half off of the first months rent. We got our keys and that was it. We went to MacDonald's to celebrate because after paying a total of $1950.00 between us, it was all we could afford. Alex bought my first burger, then i bought a round of burgers, then Alex bought a round of Sundaes. We then got on the train to go and make a copy of the apartment key in Los Feliz. The store was closed but we had fun just hanging out nonetheless. We all went our separate ways home and that was that.
I got home and mailed an email to the director of the film that I just booked, letting her know that I had no phone. Since the money the bank stole from me kept me from paying my phone bill. Within the hour she responded saying it was okay and also sending me the first part of the revised script. It's good stuff! I am excited for the role and rehearsal this week. I also got an email from another project I auditioned for asking "If I wasn't cast as the lead, would I be content with a supporting role." To which I replied yes. So that's another perspective role. Then I have been in contact with yet another director about a third project. Though I have yet to audition for it. We are building a rapport via email. I am detailing my research for the part and he is sharing information about the script and the character. So it's very promising. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am going to have to put my writing aside again and focus one hundred percent. I am excited. This is my dream and I am freaking living it. It sneaked up on me, but here I am. It's time to shine.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Sunday

I awoke at home. Once again no dream. I woke up and checked LA Casting more auditions and checked my email. Nothing new in either. So I decided to get ready for my day which meant sorting through my DVD collection and choosing what I wanted to keep and what I was willing to let go. It was a quick process, but by no means easy. I decided to hold onto the things that had and have inspired me from Childhood until now. Like Batman the animated series, Superman the animated series, Cowboy Beebop, Supernatural, my classics and a hand full of more recent films. The rest I neatly packed into a big bag.
I spoke to my roomie, Amber, who it seems caught whatever I had the past week. She was getting to ready to go into work. When she was through, I hopped in the shower and then got ready for my day. I made sure I had everything I would need and set off. I received a call from my good friend Erik who wanted to hang out and run some errands as well.
We met up at Hollywood and Highland. From there the days journey began. We started towards 20/20 video on Sunset and Labrea. We encountered a very strange homeless man on the way who became rather indignant when we told him we didn't have any change. The man responded thus "No change? On SUNDAY!?!" we said "Yeah, sorry." to which he replied again "ON SUNDAY!?!" We both walked away and crossed the street. We reached 20/20 video shortly after that. I went in and set my DVD collection down, they sorted through what I can honestly say was well over a $100.00 dollars in DVD movies, not to mention the other $100.00 in DVD television series sets. They sized up my collection and checked the quality of my babies, the babies which I have taken the greatest care of over the last five years of collecting them. Then they told me they would give me $67.00 dollars for the lot. It was outstanding in its level of insult not only to my collection but to my intelligence. Though they wouldn't give me a dime more. I had no choice but to except. So I walked out of there a little less than empty handed.
After that Erik and I walked to his girlfriend Elizabeths apartment to drop off her keys. Then we headed to Kinko's off of Sunset and Vine. While there we ended up waiting for 30 minutes while the people in front of us were slowly helped. All but one of the many people that came in after us were helped as well. The guy that did end up helping us later seemed to hate his life and the people he dealt with. Though he was actually quite helpful if not a little rude. We left Kinko's and headed to Chase bank.
I had received a call from my good friend and, as of tomorrow, roommate Alex. He said that he wanted to sign the lease Monday morning. I have to work Monday morning so he said to get him the money tonight. I went to Chase and tried withdraw the money but I was only able to get $400.00 out. I would have to get the rest in the morning.
Erik and I then headed to grab something to eat at Baja Fresh. Buy this time I hadn't eaten since Friday night at DeSean's. I spent what extra cash I had from the DVD rape I had incurred earlier to buy some shrimp tacos. Which didn't even put a scratch on the mountain of my hunger. We left Baja Fresh after much discussing and headed to Erik's. I spent the night writing and that brings us to this current moment in which I am typing these very words. I am not going to sleep just yet I am going to do some more research and writing. Then will see.
Today has been somewhat exhausting but I have the funds to pay the deposit tomorrow afternoon. So all is well and grand. Though I now own only 15 DVD's. *sigh

Saturday

I rejoined the world of the awake to find that once again. I had no recollection of a dream. I was in DeSean's living room. I got up and brushed my teeth with my trusty toothbrush, which I keep in my backpack for the likelihood of not being at home when I wake. I put on my shoes and headed out to work.
Upon arrival at work I realized that there was a Grammy museum event going on. One that I had yet to be briefed on. As well as the rest of the staff. I was kind of a complete mess. Tracey, the lady in charge of the event just sat and waited for me to point people out and then spoke to me like a child when I did. She's one pious doll at times. Anyway, the rest of the day at work was rather busy. Which is good for tips and hourly. I was there until almost 3 o'clock. After I clocked out, I picked up my tips and my check. $12.00 dollars in tips, which means a couple days of train fair and $288.02 on my check, which meant I would have enough money to pay my deposit and then a hand full of money left to put toward utilities, or toiletries and a copy of the apartment key.
I walked to the Chase bank up the street. Knowing it was almost 4 o' clock on a Saturday, I figured the bank was closed and decided to deposit my check via the ATM. I checked my balance and found that I was missing roughly $200.00 dollars in my savings account. This made me immediately unhappy. I decided not to deposit the check and stormed into the bank which was, as it turns out, open. Guess who was sitting there at the first desk. Jose, the corpulent Douche bag that got me into this financial mess within a month of opening an account. I sat down and began to discuss with him finally the situation involving tons of overdraft fees that should have been handled by the over draft protection service he claimed to set up for me. He was joined by another two faced bank employee who I had spoken to prior, in his stead. The two of them sat down and basically told me to fuck myself. Jose openly denied in front of me ever having had a conversation about overdraft protection. Which his manager, the lady I had spoken to prior, who had promised to allay the fees and just have me pay what I would owe, then looked me in the face and told me that there was nothing that she could do now. I wanted to kill them both, it would have felt good too. I decided to instead, plead my case. I explained to them what I had been told and how, as they knew, I had been jerked around by the bank for two weeks with promises of a solution. I even went as far as to explain why I had stomached their unfeeling delays. How I needed the money to pay the deposit on my new apartment. To which they were blase' and unmoved. They basically responded with a fuck you, sir. So, left with no option but to deposit the check I had in order to have some form of money to through at the deposit. I went and waited in line to make the deposit. Made it and was preparing to leave the bank. I got out the door and punched the marble building before heading back inside. It struck me that I still had money to deposit. My tips, well $10.00 dollars of the twelve, because I needed at least $2.00 dollars to get home. So I deposited the $10.00 and left and punched the marble building again. I made a round of phone calls canceling my plans for the day because I wouldn't be able to afford the train to and from the three locations I needed to go to. I missed two auditions as a result. I got on the train and headed home.
It wasn't until I got home that I realized I hadn't gotten my shift meal at work. Which would have been my only meal for the day. This also added to my frustrations. I got home and decided to try and submit for more auditions for the coming week in order to make up for the missed auditions of the day. I posted a frustrated comment on Facebook. Then I began brainstorming how I would raise the rest of the money I needed to cover my deposit. The answer came pretty quick, it was he only thing I could do to raise the money, something that I had thought I wouldn't have to do again. In this world I have but one material possession, that of my DVD collection. I covet my DVD's and treat them like children. I realized I would have to go through once again detach myself from them and sell them. Sunday is going to be a tough day. I am going to have to sort through and decide what to let go of. Then I will have to risk taking the train without fare, from Pasadena all the way to Hollywood. To the only video store that I know of which buys DVD's. 20/20 video on Labrea and Sunset.
Lets not end this on a negative note. I checked my email later and found that I had landed the Lead role in the student film I auditioned for on Thursday. So Thats positive. A fitting end to an otherwise shit storm Saturday.

Friday

I awoke in Carleton's living room. Another day without a dream. As the day progressed Carelton had plans to go and talk with his manager at work in Beverly Hills. So with no plans except possibly heading down to pick up my paycheck and deposit it, I decided to tag along.
On the drive we listened to some music as we always do. Singing and having a genuinely good time driving through Los Angeles. On the freeway Carleton explained some of his new inspirations to me about one of his screenplays. He was very passionate about the explanation. He painted some really cool pictures of what he wants the movie to be. My excitement for the project grows every time he mentions it. As we entered Hollywood we put the music back on and sang and rocked out to some great songs. People were having a good time watching us dance and sing in the car as we drove down Santa Monica Blvd. We got his work not long after that. He went to the back of the store and spoke with his manager while I waited at the front. The sights of Beverly Hills during the day are something to behold. The women are beautiful to the point of near bewilderment. Time passed by very quickly as I took in the individual vistas of femininity. Carleton walked back out to where I was when he was through. We headed outside and he stopped mid step and told me we needed to go and check out my future birthday present. So we walked up a block to an art store. Neal Young, I believe it was. Carleton pointed out the giant picture of James Dean, that he was thinking of getting for me. Because I love James Dean quite a great deal. We walked up to the picture to see the price, but none was visible. Which i have come to know can only mean one thing. Expensive! We walked over to the desk of the lady working in the store and for shits and giggles, inquired about the price. Can you guess how much this 3foot by 2foot print out of a famous James Dean picture was?
Go ahead.
Okay, give up
$250,000.00 dollars. Hah! I guess if you look closely at the picture, its covered in diamond dust. I was immediately perplexed. What purpose does having a picture covered in diamond dust serve? I'll tell you, none. Pure unabashed unnecessary frivolousness. We kept asking questions as to not seem like cheap skates waltzing into a place unbeknownst of its pricey extravagance. Which is exactly what we had done. We filled out some cards in order to receive an invite to a Beverly Hills posh opening/presentation of this guys next collection. Then we were off. On the drive back, I received a call from my good friend DeSean. Inviting me to hang out later for a night of videogames. I then invited Carleton because the two of them had yet to meet. We headed back to North Hollywood to jump online and catch up with the world. I found I had a perspective Audition for the day. Then we watched Supernatural and DAMN was it good. This season is shaping up to be fantastic and mind blowing. We went back to drop of his sister Kia's computer then headed downtown to meet up with DeSean.
It was a great time. Rarely do two of my friends from different circles get along when i introduce them but this was an exception to a long history of failed attempts. We got right to joking and laughing and taking about the craft. It was funny to see how taken aback Carleton was by the sight of DeSeans place, same as I first was. We went to the grocery store and encountered a young cashier named Bridget who was quite disarming and slightly insulting which we all laughed about. Then headed back to DeSeans for screwdrivers and Potatoes and Chicken. I ate until I was full which I rarely get the chance to do. Played some videogames and then we went to an art gallery. The theme was Heaven and Hell. It was kinda weird, there were sigil's and names that stuck out because I am writing a story based in biblical myth. We left shortly after arriving and then Carleton headed home. Then I played more video games then Desean went to sleep. then I played more videogames, then I went to sleep. All in all, a successful day.